Friday, October 20, 2006

And counting...

If my uterus is to be trusted, I have already ovulated.

Fascinating, aren’t I?

I went in for my follow-up and had both arms stuck because apparently my veins are the size of embroidery floss. The RE (of whom I am growing ever more fond) again let me write in my diagnosis codes, causing me to wonder if I will be receiving a significant discount on his services.

The cold hard truth is, I am in the 2WW. When I first started blogging, 2WW appeared to mean Second World War. Oh, and the MTHFR mutation—or whatever the correct acronym is—always makes me think of "motherfucker." Which, as I understand it, might not be a bad way of looking at it.

How many minutes did I just waste with that digression? One? Two, tops? Okay, well, obviously inane typing is not going to do the trick. I’ll have to think of something else. How about a yard sale? Tomorrow morning? Great. I’m in.

Seriously, though, everything seems on the up and up, except for the "schmutz" in my uterus. Yes, that is what my RE called it today. Schmutz.

How to proceed?

Do I actually hope I’m pregnant, knowing that the schmutz will be hanging over my head? More correctly, in the way of implantation? Or do I hope that we lose out this cycle, so Dr. Pepper can have a look-see at my garden box. The thing that really pisses me off (today, that is) is that the schmutz has been there the whole time. So, if I’ve already been waiting, why couldn’t we have checked it out during that wait? If I go through with a hysteroscopy now, I may (or may not—hey, a bright side!) have to wait another cycle before trying. Again.

I know, there are those of you out there (my mother included) who will find this whole rant to smack of impatience. Some of you might even think it would be great to be in my shoes. But, I can’t help it. Time slipping away makes me feel desperate, despite my noble attempts to shrug it off. Maybe even more than that, I really can’t stand the ambivalence of not knowing whether I should be hoping for a pregnancy or not. To come all this way and not even be certain of that. That sucks.

On the bright side, the impatient babbling and finding petty (or not so petty) things over which to fret has already blown another…73 seconds. And counting.

4 Comments:

At 4:02 PM, Blogger DD said...

A schmutz, huh? It has a nice ring to it, I guess, however I don't know how far it would go if you ever had to switch doctors.

"Doctor, please be aware that I set my own diagnosis and that I apparently have a schmutz in my garden box."

Funny thing is, I'm sure they would actually get it.

 
At 11:14 AM, Blogger kati said...

I'm intrigued, what is that schmutz he's talking about?

Are you impatient? Maybe. But who wants to worry about TTC when being pregnant will be worrisome enough? Good luck!

 
At 1:00 PM, Blogger Kath said...

Dear Casey, I don't know what to wish for either, other than The Best Outcome.

By the way, a hysteroscopy, if done early in your cycle, does not make you forfeit that cycle (unless they find the kind of mega-schmutz they found in my uterus, and schedule other fun things for you). The rules for the hysteroscopy were: no sex for the four days following the procedure. If ovulation is more than four days away, you're in business.

 
At 1:01 PM, Blogger Kath said...

Dear Casey, I don't know what to wish for either, other than The Best Outcome.

By the way, a hysteroscopy, if done early in your cycle, does not make you forfeit that cycle (unless they find the kind of mega-schmutz they found in my uterus, and schedule other fun things for you). The rules for the hysteroscopy were: no sex for the four days following the procedure. If ovulation is more than four days away, you're in business.

 

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