Wednesday, October 18, 2006

More of the same

I think I am the kind of person who can rejoice in the small things. A red cardinal flying by the window on a snowy day. An empty parking spot with an overfed meter. Really good lobster bisque.

My appointment with my RE was filled with small things in which I can rejoice.

My uterine lining is 8 mm (or a little more).

While no dominant follicle was detected, a few follicles in each ovary seemed to be milling around, getting the nerve up to rupture ("Me first!" "No, me first!" "Girls and boys, no pushing and shoving.").

I scored very well on the post-coital test (oooh, I just love acing tests) and even got the chance to see the slide of my husband's swimmers in action. (Frankly, that part was...incredible. Reassuring to say the least and made me smile like a dope.)

During the consult with my RE (after these diagnostics were completed) he let me write out my own diagnosis codes. That is to say, he has a broken right arm and I offered to take notes on our conversation as it was clear that he was struggling to do so. Yes, nerd that I am, I found this to be a small thing that was fun. Certainly a bonding moment with this guy, and (I believe) a nod to my intellect. (I'll take them any way they come, even if I have to imagine them.)

Would I be ungrateful to throw a tiny "but..." in the mix?

The ultrasound also showed a "white area" in my uterus, something that was there upon inital u/s during my last pregnancy. My RE explained that it is probably something left over from a previous pregnancy (take your pick, I guess), and it causes minor concern because it could interfere with implantation. Or not.

So there it is.

If I am not pregnant this cycle, he suggested a--say it with me now--hysteroscopy. Goddamnit. It would serve to determine if the "white area" is indeed scar tissue and if so, how close to the surface of my uterus it is. If it is on the surface (thus giving rise to worries about implantation) he would remove said "white area" during the procedure.

My RE did assure me that his feeling about any such "white area" is that it would cause infertility outright, rather than becoming a factor in miscarriage. And also, any connection to problems later in pregnancy due to poor implantation (growth problems) is tenuous (his word). So while he was giving due consideration to the possibilities inherent in what is (or isn't) in my uterus, he didn't really seem all that concerned by it. I guess that's nice.

Still and all, I feel like I am somewhat back where I was when I went to see him in June and was already on my way to a failed pregnancy. He saw the same area in the u/s back then, and I was already pg. I lost that pregnancy, and there was nothing to do about it. He did stress that the last loss was most likely chromosomal, due to the presence of an overlarge yolk sac, so that this "area" probably didn't play into the loss.

I know that I want to be healthy and going through a hysteroscopy is probably wise. The kind of thing you force yourself to do, even though being a gambling person might cause you to avoid it in the hopes that everything will be just fine. But, that gambling mindset runs contrary to why I'm seeing the RE in the first place. So, I will go through with it if I have to, but it just strikes me as awfully similar in nature to the D&E that I have spent the last three months trying to get over. I know it's different, but hey, even being back in the same u/s room where we first saw a heartbeat for the last one made me more than a little melancholy.

I will try to focus on the small, good things, because to do otherwise would be ungrateful. I would just like for once to come out of my RE's office and have nothing to worry about.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I just slay me.

Update: While consulting with my RE today, I asked him what I should expect this go-round, in terms of office visits. My concern was that with the last pregnancy, I was asked to come in for bloodwork, ultrasounds, etc...upwards of every five days. I explained that this was somewhat stressful with a baby at home to find a place for everytime I came in (for three hours at a stretch). He said that since my visits would be mostly for monitoring, not treatment, that I should bring it up with him again when the time came (during pregnancy) and we would arrange a more suitable schedule.

Fast forward to a message I received late this afternoon from the nurse who did my pc test. "Hi Casey, it's S at Dr. Pepper's office. I have your bloodwork and the doctor's not sure when you're going to ovulate or if you already did. So he doesn't want you to take any meds (ie progesterone) and he wants you to come in this Friday for another ultrasound and bloodwork."

Well. At least they respected my desire to not come in every five days, right?


At 5:00 PM, Blogger DD said...

We never did a post coital test. It just seemed so weird b/c then my doctor would know that me and hubby just had sex *gasp!*.

If you got a few anxious eggs ready to hit the starting gate, surely one of them will have the sense to stay away from the white (do not look into the white!). Sorry. Me suck. No humour.

At 6:28 PM, Blogger Hetty Fauxvert said...

Well ... I hate to say it, but it *does* sound like the hysteroscopy might be a good idea. (Do they put you out for that?) Maybe (just maybe) that's the one thing that's standing in the way of your success. Listen, I know all about not wanting to do procedures ... I had to have a big-ass abdominal myomectomy to even have a chance to get preggo! I was terrified. And recovery was NOT fun. I had to keep asking myself, "How bad do you want it?"

Sorry for running in to see the doc every time you turn around. It *does* get old. Do you have a neighbor or anyone you could prevail upon to give you a hand with the youngster?

Good luck!!!!!!!!!!


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