Monday, October 30, 2006

Pregnant, Delicately So

The home pregnancy test whispered to me this morning. Yes, it actually whispered. After collecting my sample, and having the willpower to not look at the test stick for the requisite three minutes, I returned to the bathroom, and from the door, saw only one big fat pink line. Clearly not pregnant.

My heart sank.

Until the stick whispered to me. "Take a closer look."

And there it was. A very faint second line. My husband confirmed, because that's what husbands do, I guess. (Well, that and suggest that maybe he send some more troops "in there" for reinforcement. Ah...no.)

A very faint positive. I am not well-versed enough to know how a HPT should look after ovulating maybe thirteen days ago, maybe eleven. Right there you see the problem: not really knowing when ovulation took place. How about this: I am at cycle day 24, I believe. That seems pretty early. But, with a consistently short cycle, do you go by ovulation or cycle day?

No, I believe what you do is get in the shower and turn on the radio and decide that whatever song comes on first is the predictor for this pregnancy.

"Hanging by a moment," by Lifehouse.

No shit.

I have been on speed dial/redial to my RE's office like I am trying to win a trip to Cabo from WHPT 102.1 FM. So far, I have not been caller 102. No answer/call service or busy signal.

The faintness of the second line has me worried, as that is how (chemical) pregnancy #3 started out. But, what will I do about it anyway (as if that method of thinking helps, at all)?

I hope it sticks. The problem with the last 11 months is that my experiences have robbed me of vision, of imagination. I now instinctively compare this result with a previous crappy result, rather than beginning the dream of another baby. It's not really self-preservation, as I am quite happy to build my hopes up when given the chance. It's just that now, I look back, instead of forward.

So, I'm going to try my hand at being the lucky caller, one (or a hundred) more time(s). They'll take blood. I'll wait. I'll worry. You'll ply me with positive stories that began this way. And life will march on.

Hey, at least I'm out of the vacuum. It was dark in there.

7 Comments:

At 10:57 AM, Blogger kati said...

Wow! That's amazing. I don't KNOW anything about faint lines either, but I don't THINK the faintness of the line is really what matters. Plus, 13dpo is still early. Again, great news!

take good care.

 
At 11:52 AM, Blogger Kathy McC said...

I understand what you're feeling. I remember worrying about the faint line thing, too. I've had the faint line go both ways. Twice it was good, once it was bad. And then there was the obvious positive I got at 9 dpo with the first baby I lost. So that blows the faint line = bad and dark line = good theory totally.

I know based on past experience that you're going to worry. So I won't tell you not to. But seeing your doctor and maybe getting an ultrasound in a few (grueling) weeks is probably your best bet.

I will give you some assvice and tell you to stay away from betas. They just cause stress and they can't change anything. The ultrasound is much more telltale if you can wait that long...

Here's hoping for the best. I am glad you got a positive!

 
At 1:03 PM, Blogger DD said...

Remember that innocence of when we first ever saw our 2nd line? That giddiness? That immediate need to calculate due dates? Yeah. Me, too. How I miss that.

Congrats, my dear. I hope you can imagine all the wonders very, very soon.

 
At 5:13 PM, Blogger Erin said...

Do you want the positive stories yet? P was a "light of a thousand suns" line on an HPT at 13dpo, and he turns 3 in 5 weeks. If not, forget that I even said that and I'll hold off until you're ready!

Cautiously being hopeful for you!

--Erin, www.pcosbaby.typepad.com

 
At 11:54 PM, Blogger Hetty Fauxvert said...

Keeping all appendages crossed for you! How very exciting! And IMHO, faint lines do count for something. The question is, will it get darker? (See: previously crossed appendages.) With this pregnancy, I had a pretty sturdy line the first time I tested, but in subsequent testings (which I did because I am completely paranoid, as my DH will be the first to tell you), the line did get darker. So ... I say, look for a darker line. Hoping very hard you get it!

 
At 12:14 PM, Blogger theoneliner said...

BREATH! A line is a line is a line. It is really way too early for you to be getting a + anyway-of course it is going to be light. Of course it is.

go to www.peeonastick.com to compare.

Girl, you are PG, you're gonna stay that way. You're under an RE's care.

I am excited. AAAGGGHHHHH.

Breath, k?

 
At 4:02 AM, Blogger Kath said...

Dear Casey, holding my breath... and your hand. Hoping this one brings you nothing but joy.

(I've been away on business... but I have been wondering!)

 

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